The pre-dawn darkness this morning is brisk, the bright stars sharpened into glittering points by the cold air. Inside, I eat cereal with goat milk from our community goat herd and think through the task for the morning of driving Wingnut to the slaughter house. This is the first animal I have taken to slaughter that I have known from birth, and who I have personally watched over for more than a year. I am well aware of what Jim calls the pastoral predicament: that being a good shepherd includes both caring and culling.
At the corral, the sun still isn’t up, and in the quiet light we open the gate, back up the truck and prime the trailer with a little alfalfa. Wingnut has been in the corral all night and is ready to eat, so walks right into the trailer. I am always struck by how handsome he is, with his long legs and Myj’s intelligent eyes; his gentle nature is a pleasure.
The drive to the slaughter house goes without incident, but I am glad to have Edith and Andrew behind me for backup just in case. The holding pens are more crowded than I expect today, but Wingnut unloads calmly, and immediately sets to establishing the pecking order with the steer in the pen with him. Hopefully this will keep him distracted while he waits.
On the drive home, the trailer is noticeably lighter behind me; my thoughts are sober, but steady. Like it or not, there is no way to step out of the death / life cycle. What I CAN do, is stay aware, remember that there is death involved, and keep the daily tasks that lead up to this day sacred. There’s a sentence from Sanctuary for All Life that I turn back to again and again for its difficult mystery: I avoid eating anyone I haven’t known and cherished.
Back home, I clean the trailer, park the Silverado, put away the tools. The pasture at El Potrero is quiet without any animals in it for the first time since last spring. I think about moving the cows at Masons, checking the animals on range, spreading the manure from the corral back out on the pasture to help next year’s grass.
Life goes on.
